Just A Note (Hope You Guys Read)

Typing this in 3am (Singapore time) in the morning & when your parents are sleeping so soundly, this is the right moment to end your life once and for all. The reason why I am typing this note is not because I wanted to gain attention neither fame or wanting to be popular blogger or instagrammer or whatsoever. Blogging has been like a social diary for me where I could share my feelings openly to someone who has been on the same road as me.

My mind right now is not in the correct state, feeling a bit emotional, feeling down & feeling useless. I feel like I have been struck by un-cure illness which is either cancer or deadly virus. I have been suffering from depression since 2014, suffering from insomnia & sleep paralysis since early 2016 & eating disorder at 2016. Having all this mental illness & not have a good sleep is a very bad for me as I do not have any coping mechanism when I am so feeling down. I self harm since 2014, my parents found out, throw away the blades that I bought & collect & now I'm controlling my addiction on self harming.

At the same time I just want to die. Some times I want to go to the sea & let out my anger & sadness but the feeling. The feeling of being someone who is not accepted in the community, yeah that kind of feeling - sucks. At this moment I have taken an extra dose of sleeping pill instead of 2 pills & it's already considered overdose as my sleeping medication was only stated for 2 pills every night. But sometimes I wish that I could sleep longer & put the pain away & wakeup with a memory loss - only remembering those who make me happy.

If someone could kill me, instead of being angry at you, I would be grateful because you help me to end my life & if someone point a gun at me, I won't ask you to stop but instead pull the trigger at my heart so that it will stop beating & I would forget about the pain :(

Someone please help me :( I'm feeling down right now.....