My Self Harm Addiction
🚫TRIGGER WARNING! There might be subject about bloods, razors & etc. If you are not a fan of reading something thriller, please exit this blog post!🚫
I've decided to come clean with you guys about my self-harm stories. I have these stories for so many years but yet to publish them because I feel like it's not the right time & I do not wish to have someone bombarded me with emails or PMs or whatsoever to ask about my mental health issues & self-harm scars. I remembered that I posted this similar blog post long ago & I received nearly 1k emails & PMs about my mental health & addiction to self-harming. From there, I decided to quit blogging & disappear from social medias for a year before I came back to being a full-time blogger.
It all started in 2015, where my parents would always fought for no reason & my depression at that moment was nearly coming to Maniac & I was - I don't know how to express it but I feel like I need to do something, not to gain attention from the public or whatsoever but to stop this torturing pain. I decided to self-harm, firstly using penknifes. Penknifes are usually sharp & if you accidentally self-harm on your wrist & if it cuts your veins, you die. So at first I did a slight cut & it never came out blood - I mean, it did but not so much.
I did this type of habit for nearly a year as a form of coping mechanism & then my parents found out that I was self-harming, they threw away all sharp objects - or place them where I couldn't find it & they send me to seek help. But still with the help of the professionals, I couldn't kick the self-harming addiction. I feel like it's a drug & without it, I would die (?). But because of my family disapprovement & disappointment, I decided to stop & promise myself to be clean. However it doesn't lasted long till I find myself being addicted..... again.
This year, I self-harm alot of times but this time, using razor blades which I bought somewhere in Singapore. I self-harm on my left hand leaving blood flowing on my hand, my scars were very visible like as if I just had an operation & I had to used long black hand sleeve to cover my scars when I went to work. It's not easy to cut off your addiction when you, yourself are already addicted to it. If I'm sad, feeling paranoid, angry or disappoint with myself, I would self-harm.
To find out more about self-harm please click the link ⤵
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