I Just Cannot Control

This post may be a bit triggering so please keep your negative comments to yourself. I'm struggling but I do seek help from professional therefore keep your mouth sealed.

I just could still remember how people say that I used my own mental illness to take advantage of people kindness & to be honest it hurts when people said that. They said quite a lot of hurtful comments but instead of fighting them back, I just let them be & humiliate me cause I feel really worthless & hopeless anyway. No one wants a depressed girl to be their girlfriend or friend or daughter :( . I never take advantage, I swear. Just because I'm sick, mentally sick, you guys can hurt me even more, eh? 

Hmph! Yeah, what they said is true. I am hopeless & worthless. I don't deserve any of your kindness neither loved. Plus I'm always unlucky. Whenever I'm in relationship, my ex would leave me saying they do not want me because either they're ashamed that I was "different" from others but do you know how hurtful it is when you spend most of your life with your former ex? It's like heaven but when they text or asked to meet you & said they want break-up, your heaven becomes hell!

*Sigh*. Can someone please end this bloody shit?