What Choices Do I Have Left?
A content is a supposed to be a content but whatever I am going to say here will always be my decision to post it, remove it or whatsoever. No one has the right to stop me unless the Google company or Blogger company emailed me themselves to remove ANY post that it isn't suitable for teenagers, then I will cooperate & remove it - that's enough said & now let's continue to read what I am gonna write.
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As of today, I am not sure whether I will be posting blogs till I get my goals of 10k views but I am proud that I made over 1k views in just a month! That's a great improvement, however there is still a long way for me to express what I am gonna say since I have kept this quite for some time now. I'm a sufferer from depression & officially diagnosed with. There are times where you have bad relapse & you have breakdowns in places like works, schools or even in public transports which kinda sucks.
For the past few days, I have never been so well, mentally unwell that I kept thinking about harming myself again, overdosing laxatives cause I feel that whatever I ate was too much for me & I need smaller portion everyday in order for me to get the exact body size I wanted. I kept hearing voices, seeing stuffs & hallucinate. It's very complicated for me to explain how all this happens because even the professionals are looking for answers like how all these started, what triggers it & etc. As for me, what triggers me the most is when someone said, "Leave" or "I hate/despise/dislike you". That's when it triggers me & made me feel really down.
I know this doesn't make any sense at all but for those who have gone through this, I bet you understand how it feels. I feel paranoid, scared of losing people that I loved. I am paranoid that people I love will leave me & don't remember me cause I'm worthless & useless (?). This is what I have been feeling this past few days. And to be very honest, I am feeling down right now. I just need to see my psychiatrist & need a NEW psychologist since the old one doesn't work for me :(
I have 2 choices.
1) I go back IMH & get admitted for the 4th time.
2) Tell my psychiatrist & work from there
Now what should I do?
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