True Me
Most people never knew the true me. They thought i was cheerful, bubbly, always smiling no matter what the circumstances is but here, i'm gonna reveal mostly about me that i feel that i never reveal in my previous post. So i decided to take this opportunity to reveal some of about me since i'm not a person who likes to talk about my personal life.
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I grew up in a very sad and less happy memories childhood. Basically i couldn't even remember 99.9% of my childhood when i grew up and all i could remember was when the time i started to have the symptoms of depression and personality disorder - which is the year of 2014, basically 2 years ago. During 2014 till now, that is all the memories that i could remember, for all other memories before 2014, all the memories were blurred. I just could not remember the date or even the exact month someone's birthday passed or someone's closed to me passed away. In people perspective, i may look rich or i may look like i have lots of money in my bank. *snorts* Nope. I am poor, i barely even tried to survive a day with just $10. I have 4 huge amount of debts i need to pay and i feel huge pressure. Whatever i have spend on a day, the remaining balance of the money will be go to my savings which i have collected every day and hopefully to settle all my debts before 2018, at least. In fact, even right now, behind my parents back, i'm still worrying about my financial issues even though it is not yet to be my first top priority but i feel so much burden. I feel very unhappy as to why our lifes turned out this way. My head is full of unfinished business and i need to get it done. My personality is a type of a clean person. I hate places with uncleaned area or unclean stuffs - it's gets on my nerves and i'll be like panic. I hate bossy people. I hate people when they aren't cooperative or understanding. I am a person who are like, if you given me a task and submit it by tomorrow, i'll get it done as soon as possible because i don't like to drag the situation that long. I love to read books and the first every record i could break was to read 16 books in one day without any interruptions or anything. Just myself, a cup of Starbucks frappuccino and my books. I am a fashion perfectionist - not really. I have to make sure that all my clothes are properly sewed properly and its a correct sizing.
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How many mental disorders i was diagnosed? I am not really sure but here is the list of all signs and symptoms i have seen so far from myself and from the others. *those with - means it's not officially diagnosed but signs are slowly appearing*
• Manic Depression
• Bipolar Disorder (similar to Manic & Personality)
• Personality Disorder
• Social Anxiety Disorder/Anxiety Disorder
• Insomnia
- Bulimic-Anorexic (slowly the appetite is going away and no mood to eat or drink at all)
- Schizophrenia (used to hear voices and see 'stuffs')
- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder aka OCD (my OCD is not that worse but it only happens when i'm panic)
- Body Dysmorphic Disorder (slowly getting unattached with the reality. thinking i'm fat and ugly)
How do i deal will all this shits? I don't even know. I just feel totally unworthy about all these and how i wish that i would be gone in peace so that i wont feel the pain and seriously i feel the pain and i feel like i wanted to faint in any moment. Another good question is, whether my parents are supportive? Yes. My mom will bring me for a checkup every once a month and my dad will only helps to wishes me a great recovery. At first my dad doesn't believe that i was sick until he gets one to one talk with my mom and slowly he gets it. I mean taking care of 15 year old girl with lots of mental health issues, nagging and whining about how troublesome life is, i tell you,it's hard but they are trying their best which is i know they are not lying.
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Look, i am gonna make things clear. Firstly, i am not rich. Secondly, i am not posting this just to grab attention or asking people to 'donate' me some money. Thirdly, yes, I am sick. Fourthly, I hate it when people call me attention seeker.
Thank you for reading and follow me down below!
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IG : TheJoker.W
IG : Seaweed.W
Twitter : DarkenessBeyond
Twitter : ZeroSuicide2xx
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