No longer

I can no longer see the path that was created for me. I can no longer feel the land that i was stepping, instead i could only feel my whole body floating. Floating in the water? Probably. Floating in the sky? Probably. When i looked up, i could see darkness. When i looked to my left & right, i could see darkness. When i looked down, i see darkness. But why am i sinking? I do not know. This question has been in my mind for days & weeks. I feel my whole self could not take this shit anymore. I want this whole thing to end. I had enough of trying to be okay. I had enough of pretending that i was fine. Yes, i was pretending the whole time - trying my fucking best to stay alive, making everyone happy. I was stupid, dumb & useless.

I wasn't thinking of myself but think of others - that i hurt myself in the end. I thought that making other people happy would make me happy. No. I was wrong. I saw a complete different person. In the end, i was hurting myself again & again. I had enough of pretending to be kind towards others. Trying to act that "Oh i am fine. That's okay. You may go ahead without me." This fucking phrase which i had no idea how many times i have repeated this - i am so done of saying it to other people. I am tired of telling the same thing that "I am okay." I just want to say to people that the truth is I AM NOT OKAY. I don't want to keep lying & lying.