Thoughts?

It's been 7 days in fact since my last blog post. This post is different from other blogs as it's quite more to about my future rather than my mental health talks. First of all, i want to say is that i am slowly coming back to healthy state where i'm more comfortable in speaking about things that might trigger people but it do much to me as firstly, it can trigger me as much as it could to everyone. Secondly, it gives me knowledge about things rather than just not knowing. Thirdly i felt that it was my part that i should contribute some knowledge here so that people out there will know what is the differences when you have & do not have mental illness. Not furthur do, let's begin!

As of 31st March 2017, my programme which is Horse Stable management which i requires to complete within 6 months (i was on my 4th month. 2 more months left) with 75% attendance & above, however my working place decided to end it early because government doesn't want to provide us money therefore it does not only affect me but also affect others who were also doing the programme with me. What are my thoughts for it? It was pretty unpleasent & horrible for me as i grew much attached with the horses ; it's like me taking care of my baby - just that this baby is different. Soon after i heard that the course is going to end, i cried back home like shit. I was worried for my future like where am i going to work? How am i going to last? Everything seems crumble back to its place. Like i couldn't think of anything because i have work in F&B, & i just couldn't accept the reality. I just want to be with the horses as they made me smile & laugh. It's horrible.

So after i got the news, things start to get worse. Everything wasn't in place. Right now, i'm trying to find a suitable part-time job that could last me till i complete my studies. I had no idea anymore. I got no energy to think. All i could think was where i could get a job or where & when will it be? Tiring enough.