"Rant"

* this post was written in mid September 2017. been tempting to post this but eventually today, i had to because i just cannot keep this feelings and disturbing mind for any longer. *

the thing i hate the most in my life when it comes to comfort people who are very low at the moment is when people likes to make comparison between the person who is going through a hard time, to other people. when someone say that he/she is quite low at the moment, your response would be ;

"You are just tired. Don't think negative things and go and rest. It'll be fine the next day when you wakeup. You are not the only one, everyone is having their hard time too."

let me ask you, if any of your family member is going through a hard time and you response to them by saying that shit 👆, it is ONLY making it more worse. you think that the worries, constant overthinking would disappear the next day if you slept? no. it wouldn't. yes, i have to admit that everyone is having their own hard/bad times but for me and other people who is seriously affected, it just gonna stay there forever. they won't get/be better if you comfort them by saying those 👆 because you are just making it worse and hurting them even more.

i have been through lots of times, having relatives from both side telling me the same thing, but the truth is, have they been in MY shoes before? have they witness my bad days? have they witness me crying or waking up everyday everynight, constant nightmares? have they witness me at my worst? no. the only person who has been there is my mom and my dad. i'm just gonna be honest here ; yes, there are days where i feel like i want to give up and just go and leave, but i stayed. i stayed despite every critisism and judgement from people that i have to face everyday. why?

there is this famous saying that ; "Live with the courage to Die."

i wish it could be done easily but nope, it wasn't easy. just having to wakeup, go to school/work, put on that "nasty" mask and live up to that kind of "fake" me and go back home, taking off everything and repeat. it will never end. even if i say thousand times, no one is gonna listen or even believe me. their response WOULD BE EXACTLY the same as 👆. yes, i have "hurt" someone by saying the same thing as 👆, not knowingly that she has suffered for quite a while, and then waking up to a call from her relative that she went off, leaving me behind 😔. knowing that she left, my heart just 💔. i am just a friend that lacks of concerns and i regretted it for not asking her if she is alright and if she needs someone to rant too, i wish i could turn back the time and ask her all that but i didn't.

yes, your guess is correct. she end her life. why? because she didn't feel that everyone cares for her. yes, you would comment below 👇 saying that ;

"people are around us and WE CARE FOR YOU".

but the truth is, WE DON'T FEEL that people care for us. i am being honest and truthful right here. yes, i have everyone saying the same thing but i don't feel it 😔 . you need to know that Physical and Emotional wounds are different. you need to learn to differentiate between these two. Physical wound can be treated with medication. surgery and etc but Emotional wound, cannot. once it is broken, it can never be fixed again, be it if it was given a medication or whatsoever, it cannot be undone.

when it comes to comforting someone who is exhausted, depressed, suicidal and empty, please  consider to understand the situation/see what we cannot see from the inside and see where you can help for them, because the wound from the inside is completely different from what you see on the outside. IT IS NOT THE SAME. you just cannot "TREAT" or "HEAL" a mentally and emotional pain just by adding medication or put some medicated oil. it is completely different from physical pain. you cannot treat this pain just by sending us to the doctor and boom 👊, WE WILL BE OKAY.

it's totally not okay for me to deal with this type of thing over and over again. it is seriously exhausting. i am to tired to put off all this shit to be honest. it is extremely tiring.