THANK YOU

this post is dedicated to someone who has changed my life.

X

i am not sure how long you have been following me on instagram and of course for this blog, but i am sure that some of you knows that i have been in a relationship with a guy who is 9 years older than me. yes, 9 years age gap.  it all started in 2017 and somehow we got to know each other through a friend. and we spend time together (with a my friend) and that's when the romance started. we started to chat on text and he said to me that he has a crush on me and from there we sarted to go out and from there also we started to become attached.

fast forward, however the relationship doesn't last due to lack of communication (i was working full shift because i need to support myself and my studies ; so i don't really put an effort on my relationship) however there is also a thing where he is not being a responsible boyfriend in terms of behaviour and his daily lifes. like there is a lot of things that about him, i don't feel uncomfortable and feel that we shouldn't pursue this relationship furthur and i was the one that make a huge effort to save the relationship and he doesn't.

we broke off and now i'm single, yep.

you guys may be wondering what he did wrong but i do not wish to expose what he did because i do not wish to ruin his dignity neither to shame him. it's been 3-4months now since the relationship is over and now i'm just 'free'.

what i learned from that relationship is that, despite being 9 years apart, there is a lot of things that we, both need to learn and understand. if people gonna view this from a viewer/middle person perspective, i was in a relationship with a 25 year old whilst i was 16 ; people gonna say that, "oh, you are in relationship with a paedophile." if you do maths, that is a 9 years apart.

i wasn't trying to say that all relationship with a younger partner (below 18), you are paedophile, but i was trying to point out the reality of being in a relationship with an older partner and somehow you introduce your partner to your loved ones, the response would be that the "older" one in the relationship is a paedophile but the truth is, they aren't.

that was the response i get from the loved ones (who knew about my relationship), some were quite okay, they were like, "that's alright" but some were like, "dude, you're 16 and he's fucking 25?! sounds like a paedophillia relationship." i wasn't that attentive to those comments but throughout those relationship journey, i get to know and understand better than somehow being with older guys, doesn't mean that it is OKAY for you.

being with older guys (9 years apart to be exact), you need to be mature. you need to have that understanding level and i do have but just that it wasn't apply for him because i believe that he has matured enough but just that he has this "kid" side of him, still?

to be honest,

i wasn't happy. i thought being in relationship is okay for me but it wasn't. i feel that somehow the person who is in relationship with him, isn't the real me. and i did not regretted that decision for wanting to be with him ; not knowing that i constantly get hurt a lot of times. he wasn't physically there for me when i need him and he wasn't there when some controvery about me and my friends started in about a year ago.

i understand that being as a girlfriend, you need to open up about things with your boyfriend but like somehow i didn't because of my trust issues and i cannot simply open up to guys that fast.  and i truly regretted for being in all of my relationship. yes, i do envy people who is in relationship but for me, i just can't. i cannot when guys are matured but their behaviour is more of a 'kid' (like you get what i mean)? you thought of him to be more matured, more manly, responsible, not lazy, smart looking and etc? but it turns out he's the same like some guys who thinks that money come from the sky.

i am not trying to say that all relationship (with older partners) are bad and more of a "kid" side, however just that my experience was a bad one and it gives me some learning experience of what i need to fixed and what i need to be cautious about in the future.

so, to my ex,

Thank you for giving me that experience. Thank you for showing me that i need to pick a better guy than you. Thank you for making me realise that i need to be cautious of guys like you in the future. Thank you for breaking my heart multiple times. Thank you for making me realise that i shouldn't fall in love so easily. Thank you for changing my point of view towards guys. Thank you for everything. I wish you for the best and in the future endeavours.

Thank you, x.