Reasons why I left
hello everyone, this is going to be a blog post, which i owed you very much since then. as of you all know, i suffered from mental illness ; which is major depression, social anxiety, panic disorder, insomnia and EDNOS. though my therapist have yet to diagnosed me with an eating disorder but yes, i suffered from it. okay, back to the real story... you must have noticed that i have rarely posted anything for my blog and it seems that i'm leaving it that way. no. this blog has been with me since years but i took courage to posting a few years back. blogging has been part of me since i could remember but few weeks lately has been very hard for me as i could not think or even have any ideas to make my blog "feels alive".
few months ago, i had another relapse, that made me not to go out, socialise and also go to work. i skipped my schools, work and cancelling everything (anything that requires made me go out). as someone who suffers from mental illnesses, going out or even do smaller things is rather a challenge. many of you who will read this will think, "Hey, it's not that difficult to go out and socialise, right?" no. it's not easy as what you think. the feeling itself is hard to explain here (unless you suffer from it, yourself). i struggled to do my daily stuffs or even self-care routine. everything has been very difficult for me, plus i have to fought with myself in order to save my job.
the reason why i left... is because i was looking for the light. i've been in this state for nearly 5 years and i'm tired of feeling this way, thus which explains why i've been missing since then. it's not that i "threw" away my blog or even discard it. i love my blog and it has been my online diary ever since. it just that i needed time to get things through and have a fuller understanding of what i feel. i just don't disappear like that without a valid reason (as to me). i have reasons, like many reasons as to why i stopped posting lately, but i could only let you know that i'm in the verge of searching for the light. and i still am.
you can say it's the weirdest reason but no, it's the truth.
i am still looking for the right happiness, the right mental being. basically anything that could make me smile.
i won't leave you hanging..
i will be here, always.
few months ago, i had another relapse, that made me not to go out, socialise and also go to work. i skipped my schools, work and cancelling everything (anything that requires made me go out). as someone who suffers from mental illnesses, going out or even do smaller things is rather a challenge. many of you who will read this will think, "Hey, it's not that difficult to go out and socialise, right?" no. it's not easy as what you think. the feeling itself is hard to explain here (unless you suffer from it, yourself). i struggled to do my daily stuffs or even self-care routine. everything has been very difficult for me, plus i have to fought with myself in order to save my job.
the reason why i left... is because i was looking for the light. i've been in this state for nearly 5 years and i'm tired of feeling this way, thus which explains why i've been missing since then. it's not that i "threw" away my blog or even discard it. i love my blog and it has been my online diary ever since. it just that i needed time to get things through and have a fuller understanding of what i feel. i just don't disappear like that without a valid reason (as to me). i have reasons, like many reasons as to why i stopped posting lately, but i could only let you know that i'm in the verge of searching for the light. and i still am.
you can say it's the weirdest reason but no, it's the truth.
i am still looking for the right happiness, the right mental being. basically anything that could make me smile.
i won't leave you hanging..
i will be here, always.