let the pain go.

why do people think that my pain is not important as how other humans feel? why is pain not valid? everyday, every night, I wonder, what is my mistake, what did I do, what did I make, to have people aimed at me and said that my pain is not valid and I showed be strong. how many times I've had to close/cover one side of my eye just to make people happy? for weeks, I've tried to put up with people's expectations and how they sees me, I've tried to push up that, just to have someone to be proud of me. I'm in so much pain. the pain that I can't express by words or actions. it can only be told or be shown by nothing. I can't even say how painful it is. everyday, I wish that god would just take my life away, just so that the pain ends.

i'm tired of fighting the same battle, same complaints, same issues. religion, faith, prayers, I've done that. I believed in god but I don't believe myself. there's no complete point for me to even say that I appreciate my life. I do appreciate my life however, I don't appreciate the pain. my religion says that if you're sick, it meant that god loves you and you're special. I may sounds stupid, bad, evil for saying that I don't appreciate the life that god has given me, but, if you're in my shoes, you will know why I wanted this to end. I want to lived, but I want to die. people just need to understand this statement.

I want to die, not because I really want to die. I want to die because I want to end the pain.

understand that statement. then, you will understand me.