pain or death
i just feel the need to post something as i'm not okay at the moment. for the past few weeks or months, my life has completely changed. my father lost his job back in January 2019 due to the company being such a fucked up, decided to terminate all of the employees. my mother stop working due to her osteoarthritis. and currently, the only one who's working is me. "fake laugh". and us having to think about our financial issues, plus with the overwhelming prices increased in the market and living in Singapore is pain in the ass because governments are the most fucked up over here with their pay nearly $15k per month and us citizens, only have $1k per month that is not enough to pay the bills, house and cars. not only that with kids going to school and their fees are not cheap.
the reason why i'm making this blog post is because i feel the need to rant. i can't rant this issue to my family because well, they didn't know that my father is not employed plus the only way he can do is to go for courses which he can is to upgrade himself. and yes, my father is disabled. he was in accident back in 1987 in Pahang where he rode a bike and some stupid idiot driver just drove past him and resulted into a horrible accident, causing my father to lose his function on his right hand. he lost completely all the senses on his right hand, thus, making it difficult for him to land a job, because he's one-handed.
so my family doesn't know because if they knew, they're going to criticized him for being "lazy" which he's not and would say how stupid my mother is to marry a disabled guy, which totally absurd because they never believe in fate which is in the hands of God, himself. i have lots of people who come and meet and say how dumb my mother is to marry such guy who can never support his family and i'm seriously hurt. how can you say that to me, especially, about my parents? i shall not name who because those who read this, you know who you are, thanks for ruining my life and breaking my heart.
and because of all the criticism, we have shut ourselves completely, refused any family contacts because we can't. i forced my parents to stay low because i refused them to get hurt by my families and also to see my father being judged and have them looking down at my father for being who he is and also looking down at my mother because he marry such guy. it breaks my heart knowing that other of my family, whom their husbands or son are in perfect condition, be able to borrow money from their family WITHOUT getting criticized or judged but when my mother asked to borrow money, they start to say shit that hurt her and my father and WITHOUT me knowing what they say, be able to found out from my mother which angers me the most!
and because my father is disabled, not the perfect looking guy, we have endured humiliation, criticism. judgement. and because of all this, i refused to be in family events because of this shit. and if i'm able to be given options of human euthanasia, i would go for it. i won't be going alone. i would bring both of my parents along and die together, that way, the 3 of us won't get hurt.
it may seems to be a simple option but seriously, if that is able, i would signed up for that. and i'm not joking. i'm being dead serious.
pain or death? i chose death.
the reason why i'm making this blog post is because i feel the need to rant. i can't rant this issue to my family because well, they didn't know that my father is not employed plus the only way he can do is to go for courses which he can is to upgrade himself. and yes, my father is disabled. he was in accident back in 1987 in Pahang where he rode a bike and some stupid idiot driver just drove past him and resulted into a horrible accident, causing my father to lose his function on his right hand. he lost completely all the senses on his right hand, thus, making it difficult for him to land a job, because he's one-handed.
so my family doesn't know because if they knew, they're going to criticized him for being "lazy" which he's not and would say how stupid my mother is to marry a disabled guy, which totally absurd because they never believe in fate which is in the hands of God, himself. i have lots of people who come and meet and say how dumb my mother is to marry such guy who can never support his family and i'm seriously hurt. how can you say that to me, especially, about my parents? i shall not name who because those who read this, you know who you are, thanks for ruining my life and breaking my heart.
and because of all the criticism, we have shut ourselves completely, refused any family contacts because we can't. i forced my parents to stay low because i refused them to get hurt by my families and also to see my father being judged and have them looking down at my father for being who he is and also looking down at my mother because he marry such guy. it breaks my heart knowing that other of my family, whom their husbands or son are in perfect condition, be able to borrow money from their family WITHOUT getting criticized or judged but when my mother asked to borrow money, they start to say shit that hurt her and my father and WITHOUT me knowing what they say, be able to found out from my mother which angers me the most!
and because my father is disabled, not the perfect looking guy, we have endured humiliation, criticism. judgement. and because of all this, i refused to be in family events because of this shit. and if i'm able to be given options of human euthanasia, i would go for it. i won't be going alone. i would bring both of my parents along and die together, that way, the 3 of us won't get hurt.
it may seems to be a simple option but seriously, if that is able, i would signed up for that. and i'm not joking. i'm being dead serious.
pain or death? i chose death.