bye or no>>?
so recently, i've met T during my last appointment. it went really bad because a lot of things in my mind that i can't tell anyone because i'll get humiliated, my parents being humiliated in an indirect way. the story revolves the same since the last time i've talked about it. there's no changes. there's no difference. i've compared my life with others, like my cousins, my friends, my colleagues. my life is different. even though our problems revolves to the same, which is, money, but they have support. they have partners, they have parents or families that could bear the same problem. mine is different.
my father lost his job. won't go in detail because i have mention this in most of my past blogs this year. hence, if you want to know more, do read the post from 2019 onwards. my mother couldn't work because her legs gave out and she'd done operation procedures that help to reduce the pain on her knees but it doesn't work. so the only person, in the household, who work, is me. i'm trying to survive with that amount of $400-$500 per month, trying to pay my phone bill, my transportation card. i can't even buy the daily stuffs i need. i've got to buy menstrual pads cause that is what all girls have to go through every month and that is an important must-haves. all these 3 including my over all debts that i have yet to cleared, with just that amount of money. i barely able to have savings, hence, i tried not to eat as much as i can. i save every bit of money hoping that i could have savings.
everyone says that things will get better, eventually, but it doesn't. for 11 months, i have to suffer because my father lost his job, 1 day after my birthday. and bad things always happen during or after or before my birthday. and it's on January, and because of that, i don't looked forwards to birthdays anymore. the suicidal in me is still there and it will never go away.
i just want to say goodbye. is this the end?
my father lost his job. won't go in detail because i have mention this in most of my past blogs this year. hence, if you want to know more, do read the post from 2019 onwards. my mother couldn't work because her legs gave out and she'd done operation procedures that help to reduce the pain on her knees but it doesn't work. so the only person, in the household, who work, is me. i'm trying to survive with that amount of $400-$500 per month, trying to pay my phone bill, my transportation card. i can't even buy the daily stuffs i need. i've got to buy menstrual pads cause that is what all girls have to go through every month and that is an important must-haves. all these 3 including my over all debts that i have yet to cleared, with just that amount of money. i barely able to have savings, hence, i tried not to eat as much as i can. i save every bit of money hoping that i could have savings.
everyone says that things will get better, eventually, but it doesn't. for 11 months, i have to suffer because my father lost his job, 1 day after my birthday. and bad things always happen during or after or before my birthday. and it's on January, and because of that, i don't looked forwards to birthdays anymore. the suicidal in me is still there and it will never go away.
i just want to say goodbye. is this the end?