the list of my desires.
i happen to read my favorite blogger's post about desires and i'm inspired by her post. therefore, i'm sharing my list of desires and hoping to get it done before turning 25. this is more of like a will that will be shared amongst all of you. no secrets, no validation. i've been trying to stay positive and be positive about things ; though i'm still struggling. evidence, i'm struggling indeed. but i hope this won't stop me from chasing my dreams.
firstly, i would like to clear our debts. yes, our debts. my parents and i. wouldn't go in detail what type of debt we have but indeed, i'm trying to clear this off. i used to think what makes it hard to pay off debts and it turns out to be extremely hard. i've lost count how many debts we have but i know it's not up to $1000. i'll try to clear off everything as fast as i can. it's hard especially since your the only one who is working and dying off to clear debts but i believe, it's my job since both of my parents have retire. (Mom couldn't work due to her health, my Dad lost his job this year and he's been unemployed since January 2019.) see, this is why it's hard for me to do what i want to do because i barely made $600 per month and i'm trying my best to clear everything. hopefully i won't die so early, even though i want to, but let me die after i cleared all the debts.
secondly, i would pay back all of my parents support, love and attention they've given me for all this years. i'm not an expressive person, hence, i could not show all the love and attention they've given me. instead, i would treat them for dinner or expensive things. it may be a loss since we have financial problems but it could be done, even if it takes years to do so.
thirdly, i would like to continue my education. i've been wanting to go back to school, but not the government school. probably a part-time studies or school that offers the courses i wanted. i still need to chase for my O's and hopefully i would be able to go to Poly or ITE. graduate and aim for Masters if possible. if i could, chase for it and hope to go for PhD. it seems tough since i'm not good in certain subjects but i know, i can do it. (confidence is still a problem for me).it doesn't matter if it take 5 years for this, but all i know. i completed my studies, graduate and make my parents proud. a dropout student aim for her studies. that is what i want everyone to know that even dropout student have her desire and her will to continue studying.
fourthly, donate to charities/ Red Cross. i've been wanting to donate ever since i've got my job. even though money is still an issue, but i hope i could do my part as a person and donate to charities and organization that i supported. help people and bring smile to the faces. i don't have luxuries, hence i could not afford to get stuffs for them but donating even if it's a small amount would bring happiness to them.
fifthly, health and mental health. this is a huge part of obstacle in my life. i have a weak body and weak mind. when i'm not mentally healthy, it does not affect my mind only, but my body as well. i'm trying to get better and better but i realised that i'm slowly succumb to the darkness. i don't give a shit anymore. darkness or what, i'm still not okay and i will never be. and plus, i got used to it.
sixthly, luxuries. i would get the luxuries i wanted and have fun with it. it's not about boasting or whatever but it'll made me happy. knowing that i got money for this and paid it off with my own hard earn money, i wouldn't be a problem for that. makeup is my hobbies. i would get tons of makeups (of course, those are expired or used up, will be thrown away, as to avoid hoarding.). clothes, i would get clothes that are oversized for my body sized since i'm insecure about my body image, hence, i hope i could get all the oversized clothes and make it into a hobby? i don't know. this is sooooooo confusing for me to think about it. *fake laugh*.
the list may goes on but this is what i could think off. so what about you? what are your desires?