REAL TALK - dreams
I have dreams. I do have dreams. What dreams? Dream to be successful and well-known. Dream to be the perfect daughter. Dream to be the perfect wife. Dream to be the perfect woman. Dream to be this. Dream to be that. It'll be a lie if I said that I do not have dreams. I dreamt to be the perfect person in people's eye. I want someone to be proud of me. But I'm not. People don't see me as what I hope so. There's always imperfections about me. I would pointed out what imperfections I have. I would list it on my phone, hoping and making sure that I know I'm not this and that.
There's so much things i've dreamt about. About being the most top traveller at a young age. About being an author. About being a blogger that is well-known for her mental illness struggles. About being a perfect daughter. About being a perfect partner. The list goes on. Some people dreamt about being a celebrity one day. Some people dreamt about owning a bakery store. Some people dreamt about being a fashion designer. That is dreams. And it sucks, knowing that I won't be able to achieve what I want to be despite trying my hardest.
I struggled to complete my studies, I've even put a pause for it. It's not about wanting to stop but I have doubts. Doubts of myself. I doubt I would ever complete it. I doubt I would succeed and graduate. There's so many obstacle and I'm so tired of it. Completing my studies is part of my dream. I want to graduate. I want to show everyone that I could do it but even though how many times I've tried, I just can't. I'm so exhausted. I could barely save my job. I've worked lesser. Despite worrying about the financial situation, I just gave up. Fuck about being poor. Fuck about getting help. Fuck about luck. I'm a bad luck. Things started to got worse and worse and there's no doubt it gets better. I mean what's the good thing anyway? Everytime i wished for something good, it always backfired. So, give me a perfect explanation why i should be happy or looked forward for good stuffs? What is a good dreams?