REAL TALK - grieve

it took me time to write this. 2 days ago, someone that i've grown attached with, have flown above. and 2 days ago was her death anniversary ; the 1st. i'm still not over her death. people say that once someone is dead, the mourning period could last for 2-4 months but for me, it's a year. 

she was in so much pain. so much that ending her life was the only option. it came into a shock when her parents gave me a call telling me about the news on the phone since we lived in a different timezone. and me, being at one end, couldn't fly to see her for the last time. she died. she just left. left me with a suicide note. left me with a note about how important i am to her and how sorry she is to be the first one to leave. 

and i'm grieving. i missed her so much. she's the only one i could talk to, the only one i could talk so much about. but she's gone. yeah, it was easy for people to say that it's a temporary feeling but fuck it, no. she's an angel to me. she talked to me and get me back into senses, make me feel that living is worth it but she left. she was in so much pain that she could no longer took it and she just left. 

and me, being such an idiot, did not do anything despite the fact that the last conversation we had, she said how sorry she is, how much she loved me and she said...... goodbye..

i was so dumb. such an idiot. for not realising or suspecting why she said that. and here, i am, regretting my choice and i'm grieving.