Why?

i am hurting. yet, i was told to be happy. 

i am sad. yet, i was told to smile.

i am mad. yet, i was told to be thankful. 

i am helpless. yet, i was told to shrug it off. 

i am exhausted. yet, i was told to move. 

i am everything. yet, i was told that it'll go away. but does it? does it go away? no. it took away my life. my life for the past 6 years that i could do in my life. the life of that fucking 6 years, that could be use to spend on school, friends, completed my studies and i would be in Poly right now. but guess what? i don't. it took away my happiness and i never completed my studies. the highest i got was Sec 1. i took my Private N but i barely pass any subjects. i wonder why would i take that N level knowing it won't bring me to nowhere. that cert, that fucking cert, it's pointless. without this shit, i would have completed my Sec life and y'know, i would lead a normal teenager life. but i don't. I'M STUCK WITH THIS 6 YEARS SHIT and i can't even get away with it. what else did it took away from me? my family. my family doesn't sees me like i'm normal. they're different. different when i'm with them. and i don't feel welcome. what else did it took away from me? my friends. i lost my friends. they're no longer with me. 

it TOOK everything AWAY FROM ME. and i'm supposed to be okay and happy about me? well, y'know what makes me happy? the fact that my friends and my family doesn't HAVE TO GO THROUGH this shit, the pain that i'm going through. they don't have to feel like this and i'm happy and glad for that. they don't need/have to feel the emotional, physical pain. they'd better be free from this. they don't deserve to experience the fucking loneliness i've felt when i'm fucking down. 

they don't need to experience the fucking feeling when the whole world is against you and you are forced to be "normal" when you aren't. the society looked down on us. the society hate us. they see us as a crazy people. they see us as a dangerous people. people who kill for fun. people who torture for fun. people who dismembered victims for fun or for pleasure. truth is, we are not. the stigmas of people with mental illness is so fucking strong that everything about us seems or deemed as dangerous. just what did we do to deserve this kind of treatment? aren't we humans too? where's that empathy from you that all humans are born with?