Back To Square One

So hello.... I never knew I'd write this shit again. Well, my guess is right. Things isn't going well, again. My dad lost his job today because the LTA (Land Transport Authority) doesn't approve of his letter to be a traffic warden because of some shit. And he's back to being jobless. But he'll go for interview tomorrow so I don't really like bothered anymore (deep down I still do). If he gets a job, congratulations but fuck, I do not want to go through this shit again. 

I mean, he's working well and all of a sudden, he just back to being jobless. My mother decided to work on her freelance job and it pays okay. $150. That's good for her. For me? Tsk.... I barely able to save my job. I'm still working but I'm not happy. The fact that I have to put a lot of things on-hold, things I couldn't get and also to settle my debt. But there's not any jobs that I could do. I'm not confident with speaking skills despite that I could talk well but making me do or perform on stage, heck no. I mean, what job could I possibly do? I'm much comfortable being alone, posting blogs, edit photos (which tons doesn't up on my IG), writing. If there's a job that I could do at home and be on my laptop and work and get paid, I'm up for it. 

And that will only appear or happen in my dream. 

Nothing new. Mental health? Worst. Suicidal? Still. Anxiety? Fucked up. Insomnia? Fuck worst. Socialize? No. Still wanna die? Yes. Am I happy? No.