Bad Days

Tired. That's all I could make up. I know I have said this multiple times but it's the only word I could make off. The fact that I know it's a fucking sin to say that but I guess I'm better off dead. I have no idea how many hearts I've broke in the past because of my ego, because of myself. I'm never and will never be a good daughter to my parents and family. I made my friends leave me. I made them annoyed. What about me that is good? 

No matter how many times I've tried to be positive and improving myself, I'm still stuck in the darkness. I'm still stuck being sad, depressed and suicidal. All the efforts I've made, being okay, trying to socialise and act normal, it'll never change with how I view myself, as someone that doesn't give any positive remark. As someone that is always view herself as someone who never felt good enough. I'm still tired for being me. For being someone who isn't getting any better. The fact that I have to deal with my depressing episodes all my life. The only comfort I could go is just be alone and listen to music.