Guilty

I assume that all of you have read my previous post about my family issues. So today, I'd like to voice out my opinion. After that phone-call, things have changed in our family. Not drastically but more of baby steps. My father grew distant with us, not that distant. He tends to be with himself and only talk to us when needed or when he's around with us. Other than that, he mostly kept to himself. When my mother hold his hand, he hold for a while before he push her away, and for that, I understand. 

He's actually stuck in between of us and his family. He's upset with us for not calling his family and at the same time he doesn't want to hurt our feelings. And also he's upset with his family for what they've done but at the same time, he doesn't want to hurt their feelings as well. Which is quite understandable. It's not something that all of us can avoid. There's more to everything, lots of conflicts but the most few are the ones that you've known. His older brother insulting my mother's family when he never met them in real life, they verbally abuse us, hurt us. There's so much pain that the family have done to us. But to my father, they're still his family, by blood. And it's impossible for him to abandon or remove them from his life for that he grew with them ever since. 

I feel guilty for what I have done to him. I can't read or know what is in his mind. I've always think about myself, my feelings but what about him? No one. I felt guilty for hurting his feelings. I want to make him happy. I want to see him and feel happy but that means that I have to abandon my feelings, right? I have to abandon and push away my feelings to make someone happy, my father. He is still my father but I don't wish to hurt him emotionally, but that's mean that I have to hurt my feelings, for him. 

I don't know what to do. Should I kill my feelings, to make someone happy?