What is Major Depression and How it Affect my Life? #Mental Health Study Series (1)
In this post, I'll share about my illness which is depression, severe and how it affect my life as of now. So let's jump straight and I'll bring you forward to my journey, so buckle up.
I was diagnosed with depression back in 2014, and that point of time I wasn't on medication and I relied more to counselling, seeing my psychologist every month but then, in 2015ish, my psychologist referred me to see a psychiatrist after she realized that my condition isn't getting any better even with counselling. Therefore, she made me an appointment and from there, I saw my psychiatrist whom I'll named her as Dr. C. For years I've worked with her regarding my depression, tried different types of medications and I can't even recall how many names or dosage because I tried so many. And I can "not" proudly say, my body has become a place like a pill box, y'know? Name the type of medication and dosage, tried them before.
Having depression as such, there's a lot of things you should know. Not everyone have the same symptoms though we do suffer from the same illness. Same applies to physical illness. When you have cancer or such, individual people experience different symptoms but same illness. There are times it can be overwhelming to the point that having suicidal thoughts, self-harm and overdosing. It's pretty common how intrusive our thoughts can be when depression gets worse and that's how I'm experiencing with it for 6 and half years.
What is Major Depression?
Major depression is also known as Clinical depression or Unipolar depression, is a mental condition that affects 264 million people worldwide (with diagnosis or without diagnosis). It's also a common mental illness though most cases is not based on severity. Depression is a prolong mental illness which needs to be treated either with or without medication. If left untreated, severity might happen and such, suicidal thoughts would occur often and it could lead to suicide. More than 800 people died due to suicide because of depression. Most common age is between age of 15-29.
About 70% sufferers couldn't seek treatment because they came from middle-income or low-income family. And that's one of the reason why 70% sufferers couldn't get treatment and their cases are often left unattended or such treatment couldn't happen. 30% suffers, due to unproperly diagnosed or their cases wasn't diagnosed correctly. Severity of cases do happen worldwide and WHO had made an international meeting for comprehensive and coordinated response for mental health at a country level.
What causes Major Depression?
Most common cases due to lack of love or attention from love ones. Another cases due to lack of financial stresses. Also, cases due to family problems. Also another common case is due to lost of loved ones. Some cases happen due the stresses at school, academic level. Different cases do occur and not only everyone do have the same cases. It depends on individual. As for my case, I have a mix of financial and family cases but sometimes it may not be that. It can be a different case.
Can it be treated?
Yes. It can be treated. There's various treatments. Medications, cognitive-behavioral therapy also known as CBT, electroconvulsive therapy, also known at ECT. Different individuals might need to try various treatments to see which suits to their needs. However, the "best" is with the mix of both medications and therapy. The treatment will differ in each different individuals.
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How it affect my life?
It affected me so badly to the point that I lose myself. I lose the real me and everyday, I wonder who am I. Who I really am. I lost friends, I lost families, I lost school, I lost multiple jobs. That is the reality of my life. At first, I wasn't used to it but after a while, I got used to it. Being outcast in everything I do and everyday I wonder if I'm a burden, y'know. I couldn't complete my studies and where-else my friends right now, at this moment, have graduated. My cousins have graduated from high school and me? I'm here. Stuck. I envy those who are able to go to school and complete their studies and graduate. able to take photos with their certs and parents. And me? More of photos of me in admission, photos of me trying to end my life, or almost, you could say. But what can I say? I can only cry and envy and hurt myself deeply, constantly blaming myself for being "sick". And if I weren't, I will complete my studies and even graduate like everybody else. And yes, this is how fucking serious it affects my life, I can't deny this.
Am I fully cured?
No. I'm not. I'm struggling still. Have eaten more or dozens of different medications and I could barely find something that suits me. None of them. So yep.
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And I guess, I shall end this here. This is my story with major depression. What's yours?
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# All sources stated above is based on my own research, my own experiences and other's experiences (which I've personally approached and asked for their experiences). I'm in no means to take over as a professional therapist. I'm not professional. I'm mainly sharing my knowledge with you as so that mental health stigmas will stop. I do not gain any profits or medals or whatever shits in sharing what I knew. Please consult the professionals or seek help from the doctor if you do notice any changes in your behaviour or the people close to you, in terms of physical or mental. Please have a look at this for emergency hotline.
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Thank you, stay safe.