Are You a Hikikomori?

What is Hikikomori?

This word has been in my mind ever since I found out about the meaning and also finding movies, documentaries and also interviews in regarding about this. You could say I'm an obsessed with types of disorders, behavior and mind but this is very interesting and I'd like my blog to be a platform for others to know why I am interested in such topics that are taboo in other countries, practically my country as well. 

A hikikomori, is a sentenced that Japanese people described of someone. The meaning of it means that an individual has become one due to many reasons. One, lost of jobs. Two, bullied in school. Three, family problems. The list could goes on and on. But many obvious reasons as to one is because of social pressure. The world has become a very fast state where everything is advanced. So many pressure and expectations. Adults growing, so many stresses. Back when in 2014, I stopped attending school because of the pressure I felt around me, the situation, surrounding - it's too much for me to handle. I drop out. Yeah. A dropout. A word that I never imagine myself saying this. Ha. 

I was only 14. I stopped going to school and I stopped going out. Literally. I mean I do go out but not as often. Mostly I stuck to my bed, be on my phone, envy my friends who are able to go to school and have the stresses of school life. I was mad, mad that I can't be like them nor my cousins ; who are able to finish their studies without problems. 

Duration? 6 months living inside of my comfort zone, without any physical or verbal communication or contact. Spend most of my time on my bed, on my phone... conversation with parents were, bad. My dad couldn't understand me, at all. And often, I fought with my parents because nobody understands me and when I tried to explain or reach out, they just slapped it. Ignored. And thus, being in self isolation and chose to be a hikikomori was a way for me to be safe. Yeah, you may say, why the fuck I chose to be one? Do I do it for attention? No. Back then, I have no idea what is hikikomori and the meaning of it. And so, when being in my comfort zone, it's the way for me to be able to be safe from anyone's judgement and no one could hurt me. And during those period, I'd be on my blog, writing, watching some YouTube videos and be on my own world. 

It took me years to be able to be where I am right now, though I feel comfortable to be at home nevertheless. Being in a place where you feel safe is what needed. And I felt this intense feeling of safety and disappointed at the same time about the isolation I personally did. Nobody told me to isolate myself and yet, I chose this. This. And who should I blame? Haha. And because of this, I developed social anxiety and panic disorder, fearing leaving the house for more than 15 minutes and if it's more. I started to get panic and I'd feel like I'm exposed to a huge space. Sounds like agoraphobic, right? And sometimes I wonder if I do have one. Maybe? I wonder if there's a way to test if my phobia is real, lmao. 

The pros of this hikikomori is that, in my own opinion, you are safe from everyone. Nobody is hurting you neither nobody is judging you. You are safe with yourself, you are protected. The cons? You develop and will ; social anxiety, panic attacks and depressed. I ain't lying about this, I'm not the type of person who would joke on such matter. There's always a price to pay whenever you made a decision and my price? I develop social anxiety, which gotten severe as days goes by. I mean, I did have before being a hikikomori myself, but being one, kinda adds oil to the fire and it made my anxiety worse. And that's my price. 

It's black and white. To others, it may be a good thing? Maybe not.  But again, if you are a hikikomori yourself, please,  please, don't dwell on this even future. Seek help. I'm saying this is because the more you stay, the more severe it'll be, it took me years to get where I am. There's a lot of other beautiful things to do, imagine it. Look at your bucket list and see what you wanna do. Do everything even if you can't fulfill some. 

Even if it's hard, baby steps is all that matters. If you are stuck in your room, take a baby step and walk out of that room. Try to go to the kitchen and grab a drink or make breakfast or dinner. Spend at least 10minutes outside of your room. And slowly, increased the time. Get used to being outside of your room. And then, another step which is going out of the house. This is the toughest but a little help, would do. Step forward and walk out of the house. You don't have to go out shopping or anything. Just a step forward, have a deep breath, stay outside at least one minute. And repeat this everyday. Get used to be outside of your room and your house. Once you are used to it, get out of the house and try to walk around your house area. Baby steps is needed for this. And slowly, challenge yourself with the task. If it's hard to read, here I've list it in bullet forms. 

• Get out of your room. Step outside, be at the kitchen, grab a drink, cook something and have breakfast, lunch or dinner outside. If it's hard to eat alone, eat with family. Try to eat with them to get this family interaction going :D. Repeat this everyday as you can. Try doing this for a month or two. Get used to this feeling. And if it's overwhelming, it's okay. It's okay to fail. Every success has it's failure. 

 

• Once you tried for the first one, now, get out of the house, and take a fresh air for a minute. Don't do anything. Just stood outside and have the sun at you and look and listen to the surrounding. Do this every morning or lunch period. Get used to this activity. Step outside of your house. Get your feet used to the ground. 

 

• Once you did the first two with 3-4 months, now, it's the upgrade version. Get out of the house and challenge yourself to do at least 1 activity and do it for at least 10 minutes, outside of your home. Do this every morning or afternoon. 

 

•  And here comes the big challenge. Once you are used to the 3 things above, challenge yourself by going to the store or to the nearest supermarket or 7-11 and get yourself a chocolate or a drink. And you have to do this in order to break that barrier. If you find it hard to do by yourself, have someone to give you a support. Invite them to follow you and be with you during this stage. Have them following you in and out of the store, to at least give you a comfort to let you see that it's okay, everything is fine. 

 

Do this and I can assure you that it'll helps, I may not be able to help and cure but I'm merely sharing what I did during those 6 months. I did seek help from the professionals but I'd do something on my part, to do it by myself and let myself try. If it's too much, I put 100% on my professionals team. You got to at least show some effort in pushing forward. I know you can do this. I know that reading this may seems easy and I can tell you that it's not easy. I nearly contemplated suicide because of hikikomori but when I look at my journal and my bucket list, it made me realized that if I want to go, I'd go after I finish half of my bucket list, at least. And that motivates me a little. 

Have something to motivate you for this change. And it be worth it.