Corpse

I'm a living corpse. Why do I say so? Everyday it's a torment. Everyday is pain. Nothing changed. I thought it'll get better but it doesn't. I'm tired of saying the same shit over and over again. It's like a never ending cycle. I've binged. I've gained weight and it seriously pisses me off because I wanted to lose weight. I want my body to be thin. I want to see the numbers dropped. I don't like to see the numbers on the scale to hit above 70kg. It's frustrating. I ate and ate but it never gave me any satisfaction and when it did, the guilt is there. The fact that I'll eventually gained weight. I gained. And it ruined and trigger my body dysmorphia. 

I hate my body. I hate my soul.