Should We Choose?

Choices?

What is a choice? Do we have a choice to begin with? A choice. Everything starts with a choice. You choose whether to get married or not get married. You choose whether to have children or not. You choose whether you want to be a lawyer or a doctor or neither. You choose this, you choose that. Every decision you made, it all begins with a choice. And that choice, why can't I die? Why is it that I am still breathing in this world where everything and everybody hates me? I can barely keep a job that pays me over $1000 what even my soul?

I want this to end, seriously. Everyday I live without any sense of real happiness. I'm sick and tired of breathing this entire air, waking up to endless road of failure. I've got nothing left. Not educated, not talented, mentally ill. Barely have any funds to do things that I love. Do things that I like. Opening an apparel business, selling unique designs, travel the world, get inspirations, have endless funds to survive till retirement. All that, is just a dream. A fucking dream. A dream that I can never have or even succeed. 

Also, hating on the appearance I am right now. Not slim. Stretch marks.  Acne. Just what the fuck. The fact that seeing my body weight, body appearance, gives me a lot of reasons as to why I should hate myself. Almost every time I said to myself that "You're pretty. You are pretty. Size doesn't matter. You'll look beautiful. You're mummy and daddy's girl." Even with those words that comfort me, doesn't help. I hated how I look. I want to be thin. I want to look pretty. How I look does not look good or attractive to me. Other people who are my size, they're pretty, but I'm not. They look pretty wearing jeans but I look like a buffalo. I look at the mirror, I hated it. I hated the reflection I see. I hated to see my own shadow. I hate everything about me. Everything about me that I'm not happy about. It's all there. There. 

Again, I'm not saying that I had it worst, no. Everyone's battle is worst. Mine, yours. We both had it worst. Not one is better. Your battle, my battle. No difference. We're in pain. We're in pain. Pain. Pain put us through, made us lived every day like were crawling out of the space to fucking breath. It's like our oxygen being cut. That's all. Everyone says that we have to survive because nobody will help us. Yes, nobody will. Even if we need or not, nobody will. Why? 

Because we're fucking maniac. We're crazy in their eyes. We're not human, to them. So, what's wrong if we chose to end our life? What's wrong of US TO DECIDE OUR OWN FATE? What is wrong if we chose the path to die, at our own will? Why? WHY?

Our choice to die? Why does it matter to you?