Admission to Ward 22B — very FIRST adult ward
*All of the patients names mentioned here has been changed to protect their true identity.*
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So..... I've been admitted against my own will, great. Thanks to the scars on my wrist/arm that causes me to get admitted. The ER doctor sees me as a potiential threat to myself so she thinks it's best that I'm admitted there, which I can never say no. Plus it's a great plus that I'll be away from work and places I refused to visit.
Actually, I was supposed to go to MDU (Mood Disorder Unit) ward, however, they set this "rule" where as I have to stay at other ward for 5 days — seems like a probation or something before I can go to MDU. So they put me in 22B, an adult ward where is only for women. I can assure you that the moment I step into the ward, I get stares from the patients as if like I'm a prey. My anxiety rises up and I can't think straight but to feel like I screw the whole thing. I remember how much I wanted to go home at this point.
The same routine as before from my previous admission when I was a teen — phones, wallets, keys and basically everything is confiscated except your clothes to wear (if the hospital clothes doesn't fit you, so you can just wear your home clothes), your undergarments and your toiletries. Gets a body check to see any self harm scars hidden and needed to be treated by the nurses if any. So far it's none except my wrist area.
I couldn't have anything except my own storybook to read which I finished it in a day. I mean, you can't use your phone or any electronic gadgets and the only entertainment you have is a TV that shows a boring channel, colouring book or papers that you have to ask the nurse for and mostly just sat looking or day dreaming while waiting for the time to pass by.
One thing that I'm thankful for is the less crisis than the previous admissions. Not much patients tying up or etc. Maybe in a week only 2 times occurance, thats it. Don't ask me about the meal at the ward. Almost all the food I ate is barely tasteless or the look itself is just BLEH. I lost 2kg in just a week, mind you.
I've got to know a few patients and they made my stay less boring. Somehow the ward itself isn't as bad as I think it is — though some nurses can be pain in the ass but overall, it's fine. Just that some nurses drives me crazy. Ha.
I got to know this Indonesian domestic helper, her name is Sri Mayang. She's 23. She was send to the ward because she wanted to end her life. When she told me why she made that option, I can't help but to feel the pain for her. She came from Jawa, north side if I could remember correctly. She has 1 cute adorable son, so yep. She misses home so bad and things isn't getting well here ; but she's nice. She plays with my hair, removing any white hair or basically things that she could get it out from my scalp, it's like getting a free head massage. And if things I couldn't eat, she'd take it and eat it for me. She stayed for a month by the way and she can't wait to go home after her discharged which I hope it's soon.
Apart from that, I also got to know Jaya. She's 55. She's a local Indian patient here. Stayed for 5 months due to pressure and stresses, I believe? I'm not sure much about her diagnosis but apart from my own studied, she could have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) — because everyday, she sat on the couch for 7hrs checking and checking her art pieces. She refuses to let anybody touch her art piece until she's satisfied. She's a bit stingey when it comes to sharing colour pencils. I can assure you that she's too much sometimes but well, that's her personality, can't say much either. She's kind and nice. She'd braid and brush the other patients hair and oh, she's fluent in Malay, so communication with her and Sri is easy peasy.
And there's Lorene. She's 42. She's admitted because of her anger issues and her OCD (I believe!). She once created a scene and had crisis team came down, waiting to tie her up, maybe if she causes a ruckus. She likes to collect tissue papers, folded them nicely and placed in a cup because she said it's easier to use rather than getting it from the roll and causes a mess. She cleans the mirror and the sink after every shower which I find it unique. She always sat at one corner sometimes and would mumble something I couldn't understand. She may look weird but she's kind. She looks cold at first but she's lovely.
There's Zhiyan. She's 33 and she have severe OCD and used to be anorexic. How is she OCD? Well, she always sat at one spot which she calls it her "safe" chair because to her, it's the cleanest spot. She'd always walk up and down at the same spot and route, because to her, that's "safe". Other spot or route is not because it gives her so much anxiety. She also would often check her wrist, count and then repeat. She never take showers because the toilet isn't "clean" or "safe". She'd only brush her teeth and changed her clothes. She doesn't eat hospital food. Most of the time it's either sushi or outside food that her father had to buy for her and send it to her daily. She refuses to touch people or let anybody touch her. That gives her more anxiety. She eats a healthy diet that her dietician gave her and she have hand tremors. She grew some body hair due to her anorexic traits back then. But one day, it was my last day at this ward that a patient literally threw water at her and she flare up. She had a major breakdown that she said she want to shower and she did, for 2 HOURS! Some of the patients find her over-reacting not until I explained to them as why she behaves that way. And finally they could understand my point though I've to admit that I agreed on their point as well. She's overall kind, never causes trouble. Just that her OCD is nearly taking half of her life. She stayed for a month at the ward. I've never see her go to the toilet to pee or poop.
And then there's Rohani. A former patient at a mentally ill old home. She's the pitiful patient I've ever encountered during my previous and current admission. I don't know how old she is but she's almost like my grandma age but younger. Why I find her pitiful? Because she was severely abused by her husband, her father and brother to the point that the amount of abuse she had to endure completely changes her from the once used to be a happy lady to a depressing and sad lady with a mentality of a 7year old. I find her life is very — well, unaccepting. I mean she doesn't deserved to be abused by these jerks ruined her life. How I wish I could beat and abuse them just like how they abused her. My heart still ache for her. She's kind and loving. The fact that her children were taken away from her is just heartbreaking. She sees me as her daughter and often call me her daughter and once she scolded the nurse for waking me up for medication time. Here's how the conversation going ;
"Asal akak bangunkan dia? Anak saya tengah tidur ni." a brief english translation ; "Why you wake her up? My daughter is sleeping."
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Just by listening to her saying that I'm her daughter, it breaks my heart that I just couldn't take it. She's been there ever since I was 7. It's been a decade she's in the hospital and it'll be forever.
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