The suicide of a Police Officer (my HONEST response)
⚠️ — TRIGGER WARNING ; a mention of suicide, suicide note. Please be warned.
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As many of you locals knew, yesterday, 19th Sept 2022, a male police officer (29 year old) committed suicide by shooting himself near Marina Bay Sands.
I remember I woke up from bed, a news notification popped up and this is what I see in the morning ⤵️
I didn't click onto the news notification and instead I brushed it off. Why? Because I knew that, it meant he ended his own life. Why? He did not have financial troubles, I believed for a police officer's salary ranges from sgd$3,030-$17,100, again, it's just my own speculation.
Many have said, he's a police officer, why must he end his life? is it because of his girlfriend? his family issues? You may never know. Let me tell you how a suicidal brain works. When someone is suicidal, the cause of it is unknown. Even when we could find the cause but the actual reason/purpose is still unknown.
When we are suicidal, our thoughts consciousness is blocked — meaning, our brain has blocked everything that made sense to us. For us, ending our live is the main priority, because that's the only way we could think off when we want to die. Everything seems blurred. Nothing is important to us. We aren't aware of the surroudings except our aim to end our lifes. Just like how he did.
He reported for work in the morning. And at the same time, I believed he just want to do it. He clocks in, went to the location and boom. People may soon say why must he kill himself? Remember, when someone is suicidal, the reason or cause is no longer important. He's young. He's only 29. Yes. But the amount of pain he had to endured is nothing worst than to live for over 2 decades.
The moment when I read the news, my heart dropped. I understood his pain, his burden, his suffering for I've went through it. I survived 4x of my attempts. So I could honestly relate to what he's trying to do and why. There's so many things that bothers us. So many things that we need to do to be able to be happy ; but even with a good amount of time or effort to do so, we are not happy.
We are still sad.
We are still depressed.
We are still hurt.
I may not know him in real life but I understood him completely. When someone is in pain, please, help them. Even if you can't help physically, help mentally. Give support. Give us your shoulder to lean when we feel like giving up.
I honestly won't blame him if he wants to go because I know how cruel the world is. How toxic it has become. Everything has become a competition. It's tiring. It's really is. To please someone, to work harder, to do this and that, but what did we get in return? Nothing. Everyday we came back to empty and lonely house. It's exhausting, honestly.
If you have a kid or someone with the same issue, please ask/go seek help. Do it before it's too late. The world has lost a young soul. The mother lose her angel. We lost a young man to suicide.
"Just because we are smiling doesn't mean we are happy." — 2801km©.
Rest in Peace, dear👮♂️.
You will be forever loved.
1993 - 19 Sept 2022.