Bad Memories?

This gonna be a, well, sound off post. I'm a bit hesitant to write this because I'm either gonna be called on. I don't know if it's just me or not but I hate to remember things that I do not wish to remember. From the mental abuse I've face at a very young age, from the neglects I have at my father's side. How I wish, I could repressed these memories for good. But then, at the same time, I'd like to remember because it would make me hate them even more. Hate them for what they have done to me. Does that make me evil? The feeling of hatred towards them made me feel superior. 

After a long decades, I've slowly become thick. The feelings I have doesn't shows any remorse. Throughout, I feel glad when they're in pain or struggle in life. I feel like that's the pain that you are enduring but doesn't compare to the pain that you put on me. 

Everyday, I was hoping that I'm a better person but then, everything starts to come back. From family, to past jobs and colleagues that I grew to love to hate, to people I grew to love to hate. The thoughts of all this brought me extreme pain and yet I would hope that something would cures me from all of this BUT it doesn't make a difference. The only thing that could get it better, killing them by imagining. How satisfied I'll be by stabbing everyone I hate and have them scream in pain, holding onto my hand as they begged to stop. Haha. 

If only I could let it happen and won't get caught, that'd be interesting. Imagine, me, to be known as First Female Psychopath that Kills without leaving Evidence? Weird name right? I know. If I could, I would. 

Won't get caught. Won't be blamed for it. I swear this would make me glad. Or if not, kill people for others. What's that called? Oh ya. Assassin. Get paid for every job I killed. That'd be fun. And of course, don't leave evidence. So in every Earth, people you hate, I'd kill. For fun. And soon, the Earth would be bless by people like me. We live in a country where nobody would hurt us. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically.