Losing Myself.... yet, again.

I wish I could find a way to stop myself from having this intense feelings that seems unexplainable. Everything literally drop the bomb today. Family issues? Ha. So many things to say about that really. But it's not worth to be up here because internet stays forever, right? 

Day by day, I'm fading. Fading into the darkness. And now I get it why people, some who have become psychopath or sociopath, they have a reason to why some commit crimes and their reason is how fucked up the world or society? Ya. I could relate. I totally get it. 

I'm learning to just numb this broken heart. Getting arrogant, ignorant. Wanna know what's worst? People who claim to be by my side, left. All fucking left. And sometimes I wonder what I did wrong. I have yet to apologise but oh well, I learned that as you grew older, things start to show. Your life is a hell. My life is a hell. 

I don't know what to believe anymore. Miracle? God? Love? What are those? Those that abandoned me. And I've truly accepted it. I accept that miracles abandoned me. No more miracles. God? He abandoned me. I believe him, still. But I know God abandoned me. Love? Love is a fucking lie. 

It's not love. I do not believe in love. Anymore. 

Well, that sums my whole entire feelings this month. Let's see if there's changes or stays the same. Let's see how many people left me.