Feeling Extremely Hopeless

I've contemplated to write this now because I feel like there's no voice for me right now. I'm utterly exhausted. I know I have been saying this for a thousand million times but me being me, at the end of the wits, there's nothing I could do except to dwell in my fucking failure. Ha. Anyways, I hate working in a messy, stressful environment where my anxiety constant attacks, and the fact that my anxiety got a lot worst lately and I have no idea how it happened, what trigger the fateful anxiety. It's adding more triggers to me and the fact that I'm sort of unemployed, don't you think it's harsh enough? 

Last year and this year, nothing changes, honestly. It's like I admired people who could kill themselves and just be gone, LMAO. I don't know. Maybe because I don't want to die but at the same time I want to lived. Get it?

I know there's no solution to every of my problem but I hope it all ends eventually. One day. 

One day.