Title? Position? What is both?

How I wish we lived in an era where there's no poor, just rich. We wouldn't be in a place where things just doesn't go our way and also be in the situation or society where we compete to be the best, compete to see who have the most money and also earning more and be rich in every family. You see, I was influenced by having to earn more money so that I could be rich but then will I be happy? Even when I do not have money or be rich in general, I'm already unhappy. 

Not for the fact only, I've been triggered at most even at work and coming back home having to lie to both parents and grandmother that I'm okay at work? Maybe not. Maybe yes. I have this irrational fear that things isn't on my side. Or maybe it's just my imagination. But gut feeling isn't a lie. Gut feeling is always win. Imagine coming to work everyday hoping that this feeling would go, but instead it added more fear. I fear that I'd be pushed aside. Maybe nobody would see my achievement to be better in life.

It's hard to be successful especially in an environment where you hope it could ease your pain, your anxiety, your gut, your thoughts, your hallucinations however, it got worst. You don't know who to believe anymore. You don't know who to trust anymore. People at work? People around you? The people you met? I don't know. I felt more safe when I'm alone but at the same time it can make my thoughts even more worst. Dwelling in the dark mind versus in the open mind, nothing is possible. 

Let this pain go. Let this feeling go. I beg of you.