Understanding Life after Embark to Faith Journey
It's been a while.
I forgot the last since I posted an update on this blog. And when I checked, it was December last year. I took a long break from posting on my blog for various reasons but hey, I'm back. I missed being online, not to show off my body or whatsoever but more on my mental health. 3 months ago, on 7th February 2025, I went for my first pilgrimage, Umrah. For quick context, it's not mandatory obligation but it's highly recommended for Muslims woman like I am to go. The one that is mandatory obligation is Hajj, which is in will happen in future.
My mental health before going was bad, not terrible but manageable. I felt my anxiety was bad because I had so many things in my mind while performing my part.
After coming back on the 18th February 2025, my mental health was different. Maybe because I'm slowly getting closer to God and find solace and peace while still getting my faith better, so is my mental health. However, the struggle for it has begun. It's something different from what I experienced beforehand. I felt more anxious compared to before. I felt worried and I have second thoughts while doing everything. I don't know if it's just me or what but I find it annoying because regardless what it is, I did my best to get it through by writing on journal, did crochet and even some junk journal or art, hoping to get my mind busy as so that I won't get to feel what I feel.
I realised that I get mental breakdown often after coming back. I'm not as suicidal as before, though I have the urge to self-harm. But thinking of ending my life? 0%. However my mental health lately was bad. Even if it's manageable despite it's getting worst, I find it irony that I can survive up till now. Maybe because I did not missed my medications. I may take it late but I never missed, so I believe it's one of the cause of maintaining my sanity. Apart from everything, I guess it's just it is as what it is.
My update here will be slow unlike before. But I won't abandon this blog website because it has been with me for quite long already and this blog has been my best friend. I'll be back eventually but this is just the update for now.