I Miss Me

Long story short, I feel so exhausted, vulnerable, sick to the brain. For the first time, I felt worse about myself. No, I don't feel like suicidal but more of hurting myself. I was almost forced to be admitted because my mental health was so bad. I chose not to because I have adult responsibilities, which where I have to pay the bills, pay any debts incurring. Having me being the only breadwinner, I feel so much pressured. Plus, with my current workplace, I feel even more pressured. I was terminated by the company because somehow my behavior seemed unpleased. When I'm serving the notice now, I feel even worst because everyone shows their true colors. Ha. Ironic, isn't it? The people who I regarded as close, isn't close. The people that I rarely talked to, was somehow better than the people whom I feel closed with. 

As I'm typing this, I'm left with 21 days = 3 weeks left. I feel like the days is going even slower. I want this notice to end so I can be free from this place. The place that made me shows the worst side to the students and even the staff. I wasn't like this on my previous job but here, I'm unrecognizable. Mean, rude, or either way any. It's something that I can't control. I held onto the dear life, writing on my journal endlessly because I can't voice it out. I couldn't say to my parents how I felt because they have so much on their plate that I can't risk any.