New Update, Maybe?

It's been long dude.

I have been away from here for quite a time. I wouldn't say years or months but away from a moment was great. But then it comes with a price. The price is envy. Hatred. Anger. Disappointment. Why do I say so? Whether it's not being on social media or yes, to me, it's the same. However social media has been a nightmare. It became a realization that I wanted to be where I would flaunt my days or things I do because I want them to be interested in me but then what do I get? Likes? Even hitting above 20 wasn't in it. It's nice to have over 500 likes for a post or stories but it's unfair, I guess.

But now, my hatred and envy were more towards the people I loved and care about. Whether it's a success or something that they've achieved which I couldn't. I should be happy, right? Because every person's journey is different, the struggle they went through to get where they are now, but why do I have this feeling? So, I asked on Copilot AI. Yes, AI technology, again🙄🙄 but hey, that's what it is now right. So, I asked, why do I feel this way and if Allah doesn't love me, so he made me suffer. The answer I get breaks my heart because I confessed to an AI but then it gives me reassurance that what I feel is normal, because I'm a human. Humans feel emotions. If I don't feel it, does that makes me a human? Or shall I say, a psychopath or sociopath? Or maybe both?

I've put on hold for social media. Like posting on Instagram or X or Lemon8 or Threads. I'm more onto writing on a book with a pen (the old school ways, the freedom of writing with an ache on your wrist, it's heaven) and trying to read some books of my favorite genre and listening to songs that calms my heart and mind. I try to focus on the good things but not going to lie, the bad things do occupy my mind, and it drives me mad. Really. I almost tried to harm myself with blades but then with my career in line, there's no absolute way I'm going to do this. 

For now, I'm just going to end this here. I'll be back again, probably with something better and good vibes. But I'm here, always.