A Failed Relationship

We ended. Or I ended the relationship.

I texted him and I said I wanted to end our relationship because it's not fair for me to put in so much effort to fix and bring the relationship back to where it was, but he doesn't. So, I send a text, a quite long (not so lengthy) text and all I get a reply from him was, "it's okay, I understand." 

Coming from a guy who is 9 years older than me. His friend or shall I say my adoptive older brother even told me and supported my decision to end the relationship because I deserve better. And it's such a waste.

His friend (my adoptive older brother) said this;

"He is such a lucky guy to have you in his life, but at the end her cannot work on himself. Although I tried talking to him but it's not worth at all. Yes, he's, my friend, a good friend but at the end he wants his own way. What can I do? He's 34 this year and I don't know how long he's going to be like this forever? How I wish to have someone like you in my life. I'd be so fucking lucky enough to have someone that loves me so much as how much you love him but at the end he cannot commit to the relationship, itself. If I were him, I would work so hard for it, to fix the relationship. And it's not worth for you to cry for a guy like him."

Truthfully, I have never felt so free. A huge relief that I've ended the relationship. Am I sad? Yes. Am I hurting? Yes. But the feeling is somewhat surreal. I feel like I've just escaped from a complicated and toxic relationship that doesn't provide the love or reassurance. It's a huge milestone. There's not much I could say for this relationship because the only thing I could say was, we met only once in every 4-6 months. Right, ridiculous. Like how I am even surviving that shit to only have this relationship ended, just yesterday. And no, I didn't shed a single tear when I send the text and ended the relationship. All I have left is just feeling numb. It's more of, "oh, that's it. okay, that's it." kind of feeling. Yes, I do hesitate to send the text because I do love him, but I love myself even more.

Nevertheless, I do cherish the good times we both had and no, I do not hold any grudges or hatred towards him because he's nice guy, knows my boundaries but the only thing he lacks is committing and fixing the relationship. I won't say more but all I can add on was that I deserve someone better and he too, we aren't meant to be together. That's all. 

I ended, for the sake of my sanity, my own happiness and my worth. 

Goodbye to my long ever-lasting complicated relationship. 

2017-2017 (the year we met and also the year we officially ended; although he said we didn't, but I truly ended the relationship because of what he did).

mid 2024 - 2026 (we got back together at mid end 2024 and ended OFFICIALLY yesterday, 06/01/2026)

The first love, also my first failure in love. 

Thank you for the experience and the love you've shown. It made me grew to who I am today.

Thank you, Mr. A