A Little Girl
There was once a girl who dream of a happy life. Despite a huge scar in her family, father's disabilty, mother's illness, how everyone discriminate her, all she can do is smile. She smiled even her family compares her to her nieces just because she wasn't so religious. She was young. She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know why this was happening. She tried to be positive, and kept lying to her friends that her life was okay. But honestly, was she?
She was bullied in school for being nerdy, she was bullied in school because of her height, she was bullied in school because of the way she behaves. She tried to smile. She tried not to let her teachers know that she's suffering. She was alone. She had nobody to talk to. She felt that everyone doesn't understands her. She hold her diary, trying not to cry. She doesn't know why her life was a mess. She blamed herself. She blamed God for making her lived in a place that she called, hell.
Her thoughts became her only thing that she can rely on. She felt "safe" when talking to it. Her mind is her best friend. Whatever she says, her mind agrees to it. All day, she talks to her mind as a person who she can rant to. Her mind knew her. Knows all of her insecurities, her sadness, her tears. She was alone. Nobody hear her cry. Nobody understands what she's going through. She tried to be positive and said that things will be okay. But it wasn't. Her life got worse the moment she grew up. She left school, she had no friends, her parents wasn't like before. She's confused. But all she knows that her demons was stronger. She refuses to talk. She refuses to share. She knew nobody understands.
All she hear is a fucking advice of saying go back to religion and seek guidance of Him. But she asked herself, if God loves her, why do God gives her a life of hell? She loves God but doubtful of Him. She couldn't think. Her mind is working 24hours everyday. All she felt was empty and numbness. Things got worse as day goes by. She can't rant to her family over a stupid oath. She can't rant to anyone. She was lost. She missed her old life, her bubbly self. Now she felt a total different person. She wasn't the same. She was broken. Broken by many, left by many, as if she's a doll.
She grew more into sad depressing stuffs. She wore black, she hates colours, she hates social interaction but was forced to be into. She just want it all to end. She hated for living. Her mind is stick to dying, no longer for living. Let her die, let her rest, she said. She even hoped that if she die, don't come to her grave and said how you missed her because that is the final thing she wants to hear.
She's dead inside, but a living zombie on the outside.