Being an Adult

I guess this has got to be the shortest blog title I have since 2016. The reason why I feel this way is because maybe, now that I'm an adult, working and have responsibilities, I feel that I still lack some of what I feel that seems perfect. What do I mean by perfect?

Being a perfect adult means, financial stability.

Being a perfect adult means, good relationship with partner.

Being a perfect adult means, good and easy stability in life.

Being a perfect adult means, career stability. 

Being a perfect adult means, religion stability.

The list can go on and on. And yet, here I am. At 25 and still struggling with whatever I said above. The more I tried, the harder I fall and it broke my confidence. Yeah, all adults have struggles, commitments and vice versa but having to have that ideal 'adulting' life is something I crave for. 

A simple, minimal adulting life. Stress, yes but it's perfectly balanced.

Right now, the life I had isn't the perfect or what I would call the ideal adulting life. It's messy and I can't comprehend how hard it is to even get it in order because it stresses me out and it irks me deeply. I feel disgusted by myself, my own body, my own habits, my own lifestyle because the ideal adulting I had in my mind as my vision is just out of reach. 

Is it because I'm stuck in a rental flat, living with my parents and my grandmother that I couldn't have the necessary needs to change? Or is it because of the impression of others? I don't know. All I know is that this ideal adulting is something I crave for and it's something that makes me obsessed.